Confessions of a #FitChick

I've never had big titties, but I do know what it's like to have them, or at least I can imagine. When most people talk to me they don't look at my eyes (or obviously my chest), they look at my biceps instead, with an occasional glance at my eyes. I have a strong athletic build, including broad shoulders and big biceps, a tiny waist and thick ass thighs. Seems nice, right?

My confession:

But I experience self-doubt due to my perceived body image just like most people. Most of the time I personally love my body and how it looks, sometimes though I get self-conscious. Not because I don’t love how I look, but because I feel like others’ judge me for it.

There was one time I can specifically remember being in a yoga class, creating so much heat in my practice that I wanted to take my shirt off, but it took me a long time to actually do it because I would be the only one in the class without a shirt on. Whether anyone was actually judging, or even paying attention, I felt like people were looking at me and thinking “Oh she’s just taking her shirt off to show off how fit she is, it must be nice.” I know it shouldn’t matter to me what other people think, but it does.

I've also had instances where I felt overly sexualized because of my body type. There is an obvious difference between being looked at like a piece of meat and a look of admiration. Typically the latter is accompanied by a nice compliment like "I love your arms!" versus the up-down look accompanied with a head nod and a comment about "how I must take care of myself." I've even had people grab my arms before in social settings to get my attention to try to talk to me. 

For me it’s a battle between pride, knowing I put the work in to earn the body I have, and being self-conscious because although the looks seem like they might be flattering the truth is they're uncomfortable. It’s easy for me to feel judged by others about how my body looks when their insecurities shine. If I know someone is insecure about how they look, I immediately think they will judge me for how I look because I understand judgments are simply projections and they are most likely taking their insecurities out on me through judgement. And again, I know this shouldn’t bother me, but it does because (1) I am human, and (2) I would never want to make someone else feel uncomfortable intentionally.

My point in sharing this is that we all have something that we are self-conscious about. Whether it’s body related, personality, background, race, socioeconomic status, etc.

Here is how we can collectively end the vicious cycle of judgement and feel at peace with ourselves:

Use your judgments to identify your insecurities:

When you do find yourself judging someone or judging a type of person it’s usually a projection of yourself. It’s your insecurities that you’re taking out on someone else, and if you pay close attention to your judgments there is typically a pattern or trigger.

I do it with people I see on Instagram all the time. It's usually women who have utter confidence in posting whatever they want. When I see this I judge but the reality is they are doing something that I want to be doing, which is not overthinking and/or giving a fuck about what they share. 

Take the time and energy that you would spend observing and judging others' and reflect on what it is that you want and what is holding you back from truly achieving that.

Smash assumptions:

We all have insecurities at different levels. Even fit people get insecure of their body so don’t be so quick to judge them because they are in shape.

It’s easy to judge. It’s harder to try to see or think from someone else’s perspective.

If it's impossible for you to see something from someone else's perspective because it seems like something you will never experience in life that’s fine, but making an assumption or judgement about someone based on how they look doesn’t change the state or situation that you’re in so why do it? For example, judging someone for how they look doesn't change how you look. The only thing that will change that is awareness and conscious effort.

Bring it back to YOU:

Once you’ve identified your insecurities, make the choice to work on them. This is the hardest part because we may not want to admit that we are insecure, or we may not know how to end judgement, but awareness is the first step.

Once you’re aware and you see a pattern in the people you judge go from there and bring it back to you. Why do they make you feel that way is it about them or about how you feel internally. For me, when I am feeling judged I remind myself that it’s typically a projection from other people and allowing myself to feel judged is a reminder that my level of confidence is not where it should be.

When I'm in full alignment how others may perceive me doesn't affect me. It's in moments like this I realize I simply cannot allow other people to make me feel a certain way because I am in control of my feelings and perceptions of myself, and so are you. This is when I make the choice to change my focus and remind myself why I should be confident. 

As Kanye says in “All Falls Down” - “We all self-conscious I’m just the first to admit it.” What are some things that you find yourself insecure about, or how do you put an end to judgement.